Procrastination
Procrastinating. That’s what I’ve been doing all day. I’ve discovered that I can’t get a single thing done – regardless of how much I have to do – unless I have a clear focus and goal for the day. So now I feel guilty for jumping about everywhere online – some relevant, a lot irrelevant.
I did manage to clean the shower this morning though. That may be the problem – I work a lot better if I just go straight into working rather than doing something else first. But if I didn’t get up and go to the gym, I’d probably never go. Just getting used to a new routine, I guess.
I feel guilty a lot though. When I finished work, I intended to get into my new business straight away but I’m starting feel that all I want is a nice break. The break I should’ve had when I finished my PhD. I’m just not sure if other people understand that. I’m scared I look lazy. I’m scared of being lazy!
I don’t like not being busy. But I’m also very good at being busy at doing nothing much at all. I’m hoping I can spend the rest of the year slowly building up towards a goal and starting afresh next year. My interest at the moment is setting up minor passive income streams to supplement the cash. I worry I’m just putting off the hard stuff when I should tackle it now but the idea of launching headlong into intense work again scares me.
Since finishing work and overcoming Dad’s passing (4 weeks Wednesday – 4 weeks!) I’ve found my outlook changed. I have more time to slow down and think and take things into consideration I would’ve overlooked before. I care more about the time I spend with others, rather than feeling its rushed. I’m enjoying my cooking again, getting back into house maintenance (so much painting to be done) and working in the garden. Of course, the weather has had a lot to do with that too! I care more about how I look and feel instead of ‘this will have to do’. I didn’t have time to care. But now I feel… better. Like work was an illness I had to overcome. I don’t feel lonely during my days at home because I know I can pick up the phone anytime and talk to someone or meet them for lunch. And the loneliness was my biggest fear. I even feel more confident. Not confident enough to pick up the phone and sell my freelance writing site or business but it’s a start.
So, that’s enough procrastinating for this hour. Better do five minutes of work before more internet shopping. *sigh*
