Day 1
I left my job yesterday.
Today is the first day in my ‘new’ job as a freelance writer. I woke up this morning – at the usual ungodly hour of 4.30 – and couldn’t go back to sleep. I was so excited.
Despite the tears and sadness yesterday, I knew I’d made the right decision. The sadness I felt was because I was leaving a good workplace and colleagues. Sure, some drove me absolutely mad on some days but none were awful or difficult to work with. There were a lot of benefits to working there and I left just before a pay rise was implemented or I could receive my loading. I no longer have the security of automatically paid super or paid sick leave or a regular income. It was difficult to make a decision to walk away from that.
However, you have to follow what it is you want to do and I’ve always wanted to write. The decision came a couple of months ago as I walked around the gardens at work and asked myself. If I never did administration again, would I be happy? Yes. If I never wrote again, would I be happy? No. There was my answer. I returned to my desk and started planning.
My mentor had me do an exercise on imagining your ‘perfect work day’. When I first started out, I wrote about a job where I’d be safe and secure in having a regular income. But it didn’t feel right. In fact, I started to feel like I had the past few years – trapped and confused about what I wanted from my life. So then I was honest with myself. What was my perfect work day? I worked from home, but had contacts so I didn’t turn into a social hermit. I wrote for a living – both to make money and for enjoyment (hopefully both – if I was able to write what I wanted to and get paid for it… well, something like that is probably everyone’s dream!). I had the opportunity to pursue and develop my interests and skills – web design, photography, mosaic work, reading and learning. I wanted to run my own business and use all the skills I used at work and enjoyed – a little bit of accounts, a little bit of HR. I felt excited just thinking about it all!
Lastly, I thought about Mr W&C’s manager who caused us so much grief at the beginning of the year. I feel sad that it’s a relationship I no longer have but relieved that if that’s who she really is, I was able to get away before her toxicity infected me. And I felt sad for her. I felt sad that despite her body frequently telling her to stop, she was driven and focused to ‘get what she wants’ to the point that it made other people miserable. And surely, that doesn’t make you happy. As someone else – who had been through a major and tragic event this year – sad to me ‘ what a waste of a life’. And perhaps that’s what drives me most – the fear of never trying, of trapping myself and looking back on my life and regretting how I spent my time. Because who gets to their deathbed and thinks ‘I’m so proud. I made people miserable so I could have a more senior job’
Unlike most jobs I’ve gone to, I’ve usually been relieved about what I’ve left but not really looking forward to what I was going to. This feels completely different and that’s how I know I’ve made the right decision. I left my job so I can move forward, not so I could leave the job. So, expect excitement, joy, angst and probably ranting. Let the freelance writing adventure begin!
